Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
