I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
