The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I love you.
Bad choice
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
