so let's talk penis.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
