My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
