the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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