What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
