Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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