haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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