if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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