Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
