Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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