I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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