Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
