no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize