If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
