I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
