It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
