Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
