Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
