I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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