I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She even gives head with a lisp.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
