Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
