Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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