too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
