She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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