Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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