Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
