he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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