i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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