I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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