I didn't shave. On purpose
i just sent this text using only my big toe
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
MIDGETS
????
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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