You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
