So drunk its hurt
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
