just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
They took my balls.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
