Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
