oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
