He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
