It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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