Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
