Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize