Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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