i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
