I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
