Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
