i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
