I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
