Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize