You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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