so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
