my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
