I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
