I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
