I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
