I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
