Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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lets start a swedish sibling band together
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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