good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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