I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
