Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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