Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
