My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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