Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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