so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
