I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
