I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
