I can't breathe out the right side of my face
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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