and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
