We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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