I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize